Bloorp.

Now without man!

Caption courtesy of my awesome bro.

Snapped at a dollar store in the ‘burbs.

“So what do you prefer?” asked Matt. We were strolling through the textile aisles of Ikea and came face-to-face with the two carpets in the above photo.

“Oscar or Cookie Monster?”

Not everyone can use the phrase “Sometimes I’m so ESL” to excuse some of the regrettable words that escape your lips.

But my friend Rene can. He began his story with that very phrase, mentioning that he was at a bakery with a friend who was scoping out the array of cakes on display.

Rene piped up, “Why are you looking at cakes, you heifer?”

His friend, shocked, said, “Rene! Are you trying to tell me that I’m fat?”

“No,” he replied, genuinely not knowing that heifer was another word for cow because French is his first language. “I wanted to call you a slut.”