October 2011
1 post
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September 2011
1 post
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June 2011
2 posts
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May 2011
1 post
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April 2011
2 posts
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March 2011
4 posts
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Bovine intervention
Not everyone can use the phrase “Sometimes I’m so ESL” to excuse some of the regrettable words that escape your lips.
But my friend Rene can. He began his story with that very phrase, mentioning that he was at a bakery with a friend who was scoping out the array of cakes on display.
Rene piped up, “Why are you looking at cakes, you heifer?”
His friend, shocked,...
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Turtle power
Under any other normal circumstance, I’d agree that the term “feisty turtle” is an odd pairing of words.
But I can’t agree. I’ve looked after my neighbour’s turtle Harold (Harold!) on three separate occasions now and I think that has earned me the prestigious title of Turtle-Sitter Who Can Assign Adjectives To Local Reptiles Under Her Temporary Care, along with Observer of Curious Turtle...
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“There is a little bit of the scorpion king in all of us.”
– As spoken and written by my pal Jon, immortalized on the disposable table cover at the Bier Markt in Toronto. And what quote would be complete without careful illustrations?
February 2011
5 posts
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A Panamanian Perspective
Imagine boarding a bus en route to the indigenous Embera community in Panama, a long drive and boat ride down a river, far away from a privileged resort life of excessive food and free-flowing alcohol.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. First, picture a tour guide named Tony, speaking into a little microphone for his voice to carry over the din of the mini-bus speeding its way across...
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The Last Resort
You know what’s a great feeling? Thinking you won’t like doing something, but doing it anyway only to discover that you were right all along.
Not that I have anything against being satisfyingly wrong. But when I realized a long time ago that going to a tropical resort was just not appealing, someone said, “You can’t say you don’t like it if you’ve never...
January 2011
1 post
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December 2010
6 posts
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WatchI remember this moment like it was yesterday. It’s one of my absolute favourite memories of Richard and I’m so, so thankful that my girl Christina was notorious for taking little nonsense videos on her point-and-shoot all those years ago.
The short and sweet clip you see above was one of them and for a fleeting second, I can almost make myself believe that Richie is back here with us...
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WatchFinding old files is like uncovering forgotten treasure, isn’t it?
I’m not sure how I could have possibly forgotten about this one, which I took in New York this past February. (I must have been too preoccupied posting pictures of rhino iguanas and emu carpaccio.)
February was my last month with KidScreen before moving over to its sister publication Playback, thus ending three...
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“When you said ‘Warren Buffett,’ I thought you said, ‘warm...”
– I won’t reveal who said this during lunch at the Whistler Film Festival, but I will give context, even though it could be just as fun and inappropriate to leave it be as I’ve done in the past. (Or the times I probably went into far too much detail.)
A person at my table commented that...
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November 2010
3 posts
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The 67 oz Steak Odyssey, or Things That Won’t Get...
When I encounter a restaurant that offers a completely unrealistic eating challenge, I can’t help but wonder what deluded masochist would be so ready, willing and able to tackle ungodly amounts of food.
Then along came my cousin Mark.
Mark, he of steak and Jell-O-filled plates. He whose sky-high piled meals cause paper plates to literally bend under the weight of the food. With his boundless...
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WatchThis is my friend Mark, and there’s a very good reason we’re pelting him with rice (and no, it has nothing to do with getting married.)
He’s a survivor of testicular cancer. Last month, he was known as The Guy at Home in His Underwear, having spent 25 consecutive days confined to a loft wearing nothing but his gitch and streamed live à la Truman Show (except he actually knew...
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October 2010
5 posts
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WatchFew things are more beautiful than a man and his piano.
Matt’s supremely gifted uncle Tom Baker is also a former musical director for The Second City Toronto (keeping it all in the family, you see). He is the most wonderful pianist and has released a few solo piano albums, which we gave to my jazz-loving father .
We visited him and his wife earlier this week in the country, an hour and...
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“This might be a weird question, but what does an authentic Chinese bicycle look...”
– A Fredericton cabbie to my cousin Kris when she was on a business trip in New Brunswick last week.
Really? Really? The same cabbie also turned to her earlier and said very slowly, “Your English. VERY GOOD.”
September 2010
4 posts
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One or the other?
In discussing my friend Kym’s neverending obsession with New Kids on the Block last night, she recounted the day that her husband Adam (who plays on my softball team) waited by his computer until the very second that he could enter a code online to buy $500 VIP concert tickets, which would grant her backstage access to talk and *gasp* touch her favourite boy band.
She then told us about his...
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Cleveland DICK'S
Me: Hey, do you know a place around here where I might buy a pogo stick?
Weird ex-Marine cousin: Dick's.
Me: ...Dick's?
Weird ex-Marine cousin: It's a sporting goods store. You'll see it in the mall. It has a huge sign that says DICK'S.
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“I found a banana in my pocket.”
– It’s not a euphemism. Dad actually found a piece of a banana in his pocket when we were about to leave Cleveland. Grandma, brother and Mom look on with unidentifiable expressions in the background.
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What a time, indeed.
More than 15 years (15! 1-5!) have gone by since I’ve gone on a road trip with my parents and brother, and I thought those days were long behind me. But this past weekend, we took a whirlwind weekend trip to Cleveland, OH, where my cousin Jenny became the second in the family to get married.
The trip was more than a little surreal when I realized that my brother and I spent most of the time...
August 2010
5 posts
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July 2010
16 posts
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WatchI was 10 years old when I saw this animated short for the first time and fortunately, at that age, had no real concept of procrastination. I didn’t get it.
Of course, that was then and for years now, Richard Condie’s Getting Started (1979) has essentially been the story of my life—and likely yours, too.
If you’re Canadian and haven’t seen this timeless gem, for...
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If you thought your dreams were weird...
…you obviously haven’t met my friend Johanna. I have yet to meet someone whose dreams are as vivid and utterly bizarre as hers. (This also totally beats my Texan friend’s dream.) If any dream analyst types want to take a crack at this one, I’d listen to your theories with great interest. Johanna: i had a dream you were suddenly with another guy and i was hanging out at some...
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Profiteroles (or, I'm old and so are you)
I’ve lost count of the times that people my age — and younger — have already whined profusely about “getting so old.”
What is it about age that is so upsetting? Or maybe the more accurate question is, when did it become fashionable to complain about getting old? I know I’m not counting down the days until I can justifiably whine about counting down the days to...
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Crescendo
Hesitation can be a beautiful thing.
I happened to be in NYC at the same time as the Play Me, I’m Yours art installation in which 60 pianos were given temporary homes in public spots across the city.
Purely by accident, I discovered the first one in Battery Park when Matt was attempting to figure out how to snap a decent shot of the Statue of Liberty.
It was a brutal scorcher of a weekend...
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WatchThis video is called Fat Marmot Eats Graham Cracker. Its subhead reads, “He’s so fat he can’t do marmot things an ordinary marmot would do.”
I think I’ve had my cute fix for the night.
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